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Showing posts from March, 2016
Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting.Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to.Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.
We are walking in the park on a quiet evening in mid September. My hands are still not used to the way yours feel in mine so I’m short of breath and red faced. I blame it on the exercise. You laugh and say that we should start jogging and I look at you with so much disdain that your cheeks colour. 
The evening settles on my shoulders and you take your jacket and wrap it around me. 
I level a sceptical glance in your direction and dryly say: “this isn’t a romantic comedy, I’m not cold you absolute tool.”
You shrug, rub your arms and murmur: “just in case.”
For the fifth time that day I think about how you are too good for me, and selfishly hope that this is something you never come to realise.
“Hey,” I say quietly, scuffing the toe of my shoe in the dirt, “what would you do if I died?”
I’m not looking at you but I can see the sharp twist of your head in my periphery. You stumble and it takes a moment for you to regain yourself. I don’t comment.
“Why would you ask that?” You say sharply, your …

Mid March reminder + update:

Never ever let anyone push you around. 
Do not let people who put up innocent, naïve, goody-two-shoes façade push you around. Those who pretend they're one thing in front of you, and another behind your back. Especially not these disgusting, pathetic filth. 
It is a very general rule in life when it comes to loving yourself.
In my almost 20 years of life, I have had my fair share of first-hand experiences with these type of people that I am able to spot one out (and get it right 9/10 times) from a mile away. They are cruel, manipulative and downright pieces of shit. 
I find it very ridiculous and hilarious of the fact that I am already in university and there are still people who insist on starting high-school grade drama, and even take the time and effort to do so. And when confronted, they just push the blame to someone else instead, classic. I guess it's true when they say: "high school never ends"Also, aside from not letting people push you around, do not let people l…

“Eat Your Heart Out” by Isabela Giancarlo

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, especially the stupid ones. Remember the birthday we celebrated together, where I ruined my own surprise, but I was smiling at the end of it all, I smiled so hard I thought I had ripped my cheek muscles, I hope you know I was sincerely sincerely happy. 

Remember us arguing, over insignificant problems that looked so big then. Remember me brave, when you were scared about the future, I was scared too but I wanted to be brave for the both of us; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you. 
Remember me happy, and smiling in mid-kisses, all the ridiculous conversations we've had and the nights we spent together crammed on a single bed and cuddling to sleep. Remember the first time you told me you think you love me and also the first time you kissed me, actually it was me who kissed you ins…

To Alyaa:

"He doesn't love me, he doesn't love me, what do I do?"
You pack up, and you leave. That's all you can do. You can't make someone love you nor can you make them stay. You gotta trust someone when they tell you they love, and you gotta trust someone when they tell you they don't anymore.

To Louise:

"hey Obel, i just wanted to get your perspective on something, do you think it's worth it to stay with someone when your relationship has an expiration date? I think it'd be easier to rip it off like a band-aid instead of waiting around..."
I was actually in your shoes in the exact same situation not so long ago. He told me "I just feel like we have an expiration date y'know? It's not that I'm not happy, I just don't see how it's going to work out at the end of it all." And Obel being Obel, just kinda denies and ignores everything and swear that we'll get through the worst of it all and that it will work out (and at one point, the thought of it being able to work out did come to mind).
Believe me, there are countless of times that I thought that ending things with dignity was the best way. I dreaded the thought of breaking up from never-ending arguments and stress when we could have called it quits months ago, when we first saw it c…

March reminder:

You spend a lot of nights awake and shaking, full of a deep fury. Some nights you can’t imagine a night darker than this one. Nights where the light is at the end of some very long tunnel and you’re tired. Your body is tired of moving forward. You spend a lot of time asking yourself “how can I fix this?” Because the thing is, you want to get better. You want to feel better, live better. People around you give you all kinds of advice - start exercising, talk it out, write it out, drink more water. But that’s too much. You handle it the only way you know how: by surviving. You sleep often, eat when you can, shower when you remember, meet up with friends when you feel up to it. Sometimes you forget how many times you've picked myself off the floor, how many times you've washed away smudgy makeup and put yourself to bed. How many times you've said no to something unhealthy. Said yes to something good. How many times you've treated goals with kindness and patience. You forg…