Showing posts from February, 2016
I realized that there is apparently comments on some posts I never got back to, and I am so sorry, because I never get any notifications regarding it, I've added a shoutbox under the search bar whereby you guys can leave me messages there instead and it'll be easier for me to keep track of, cheers!
I am a person
I am a person
I will not always be right
Not everyone will find me interesting and it is not their job to do so
I will do stupid things
I will not always be kind and thoughtful
The trick is not to be perfect, but to forgive.
The trick is to be better, to recover and to amend.
I am not finished. Nor do I want to be.
I have made mistakes and I have lied
and I can’t take any of it back.
I forgive myself. I am taking the softness back and embracing it and I am moving forward.
This is a gift. This is a gift

February snippets & update:

Second year of university starts in less than a week and I'm not entirely sure how to feel about that. Fact is I will be graduating in less than 2 years and that feels really good but also, fact is I will be leaving my comfort zone of school and studying and be thrown out into the adult working world and it is a little, if not a whole lot, terrifying. Nevertheless, I'm still very excited to start the new semester.

Onto other things, February in general has been pretty decent. The main point of the entire month was Chinese New Year, lots of house visiting and mandarin exchanging (my entire fruit department of my fridge is filled with mandarins, for real). Valentine's is pretty much non-existent for me, it's honestly more happening for my little beagle, he got flowers and a balloon from his best poodle friend, yeap.

Here's a little snippet of February:

Some Casanova romance business going on here with Bean Strays which were picked up and rehomed Succulent silhouettes…

On turning 20 this year:

Twenty is for trying, and for failing. Not for getting married or giving birth to babies. Twenty is not, I've decided, for making a home or for standing still. Twenty is for falling asleep in beds with your friends in a fancy hotel after not sleeping for two days straight. Twenty is for waking up to kisses and walking out doors looking disheveled and a mess.  Twenty is for falling in love like you would at any other age and falling apart and picking yourself up and putting yourself together and over and over. Twenty is for sleeping in late and building things and breaking things and for hurting yourself and forgiving yourself.

acceptance isn’t always overwhelming joy at no longer being in denial. it isn’t always pride parades. it isn’t always a promise of freedom.sometimes acceptance is crying yourself to sleep, fearing for your life, your Strong Song on repeat, trying to convince yourself that how you feel isn’t all that important. not as much as maintaining relationships, not as much as getting where you need to go. not as important. not right now. (it doesn’t matter that you die a little more inside each day hiding it.)a lot of the time acceptance isn’t loud and courageous; it’s quiet, and painfully patient, and waiting, waiting, waiting.and i want to believe that there’s strength in that too.
I'm all about heartless girls the kind who define themselves by how much they can live through.

Girls who walk around holey, girls who scare everyone with their emptiness.
Girls who are fragile but almost immortal, self destructive and never destroyed.
Girls with mean eyes and soft lips and more magic than they know how to handle.
Girls who are sometimes cruel, ruthless, parasitic but always hungry.
Girls who wonder if they see beauty in this breaking because it's really there or just because seeing anything else would hurt too much.
Girls who can't grow up now, won't - don't call them women they will never be yours to hold or will hold anything for you, they just can't be that kind of nurturing anymore.
Girls who hardened their heart and still came out bloody.
Girls who love their softness with vicious hands.
Girls who aren't afraid to bleed.
Girls who are somewhere between cockroach and phoenix.
Girls who weather every storm.
Girls who take, take, take a…
And here was the big fat truth: he had moved on so I told everyone that I was over it as well.

But it ended up being the worst decision I have ever made because then I didn't even get to talk about missing him.
It feels like sweating for four months straight.
Like you can’t breathe quite right and your heart is beating just a little too fast.
It feels like never enough sleep and an empty stomach.
Like waking up late and forgetting what day it is.
Like remembering you’ve been lost for so long that you gave up on finding your way back home.

February reminder:

Know there is so much cruelty in the world that you can’t ignore. It’s so easy to see all of it and hate the world for it. You don’t have to be positive all the time, it’s exhausting. It’s okay to feel angry at the injustices. 

My faith in humanity is always shaking. This place can be so ugly sometimes, but at the end of the day, I can’t help but look around and see something good and beautiful no matter how small it is. 

Out there, there’s a child dancing with flowers in her hair, an old couple wearing matching neon green sneakers, so many lil pups running around the park, a friend arriving at her brokenhearted friend’s home with a tub of ice-cream, an entire community of people coming together to fight for what’s right. You can’t forget that these are people too. 

I know it’s hard to love sometimes. but you’ve got to try. Don’t let the world take your softness away. Hold on to your gentleness, your compassion, there is still so much beauty waiting to be found.

Times are tough. But you are tougher.