Showing posts from October, 2014
(People like you have thrones in supernovas.)
(People like you don't just live, they leave their marks on mountains and rivers and raindrops.)
I think at the end of the day, you just have to be your own person, you know? Because even though you're one of the seven billion and growing people and you think you're probably not as special as you'd like to be, always always always remember that there is no other person who is exactly like you. Not in the way they crinkle your nose when you're angry, or the heavier step in your left foot, or that vein on your forehead when you laugh, nothing. Remember that great things come from little people, even if it's letting a dog cross the road though it may delay you a little bit. Always remember to be your own person and that you are who you love and not what loves you. (On the side note, exams have been going pretty okay and I miss my northern star and if you're one of the lucky ones who get to spend time and see the person they love daily, very oftenly, don't ever take that for granted.)
Then, one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…you give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

That’s what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you’re not so lovable.

In the letter I will write ‘I have loved you wholeheartedly and without apology and that is why I am leaving. I am open and you are closed and I’d rather adore you and go, than hate you and stay. I hope you forgive me. I hope that everything feels soft against your hands. I hope the entire world says your name like it means it. There’s a heart where my lungs should be and I’ve been hiccuping your name in fits. This has to stop. I am giving you that piece of yourself back. I’ve left it on the kitchen counter. I hope that you love it as much as I did. May you be warm, may the light always touch you like you’re important. You are.’
constantly feelin’ shaky and teary like the existential disaster that I am (bc of my exams) hiatus until 28th November.

Jesus, Jesus he says, but he’s not praying to Jesus, he’s praying to you, not to your body or your face but to that space you hold at the centre, which is the shape of the universe… How does it feel to be a god… ?

Margaret Atwood
To anyone and everyone who thinks everything I write about here has any kind of relevance to whatever it is that is going on in my life, you should probably dispel that idea from your head, because there is no significance between what I write and what's happening.So stop being such a little twat and getting all butthurt about a piece of writing that obviously has NO significance to you whatsoever as if it rules your entire life.If you like my writing, then appreciate it.
If you don't, I'm not holding you at gunpoint and forcing you to read what I write.

When the sadness comes and you don't know how to fight it.

1. There are sharp teeth gnawing at your arms and you don’t feel anything. One day you wake up, and your hands just aren’t where you left them.
2. If there is a word for this, then you want it buried somewhere that’s not inside of you. You want your own name back without this diagnosis attached to it. 
3. The mornings are not forgiving. The sunrises are fires you want to put out. You don’t know how it got like this. 
4. The world is an ocean and you swallow it. The world is an ocean and you refuse to drown.
5. Everything is made of smoke, and everything is disappearing. You are still here.
6. As long as you are still here, you are healing. As long as you’re healing, you are winning. 
7. Let this destruction become creation. Let this tragedy turn into labor. Into hard work for something, anything, better.
8. Nothing is made out of smoke, and nothing is disappearing. You are still here.
9. Today, the white in these sheets means the enemy has surrendered. Today, the white in these sheets…

I tried to love you less.