Posts

Showing posts from June, 2014
There are poets who sing you to sleep.
There are poets who ready you for war.
And I want to be both.
I hope you know that no one will love you like I did. That’s not bitter, or resentful, it’s just the truth. I hope she kisses your freckles. I hope she looks after you in the dark. Nurtures and adores the angry and the fight of you. I hope she marvels at the ugly beauty of your nose. That she touches your skin with all the wonder of a child seeing their first firework show. That she’s good to you . Doesn’t get too angry when you don’t talk to her for a few days. Waits patiently for you to come back and love her again. Faithful, just like you need. 

But know, it won’t be the same. It won’t even come close to the thunderstorms that were moving beneath my skin from what I felt for you. I would have loved you. I would have kept stoking that fire until I was shaking and smouldering with it. Until every word I hiccuped began to sound like ‘come closer.’ I would have loved you till there was nothing left. Until we were both empty and full from the storm of it. That doesn’t happen often, not e…
미안해. 수천수만 번을 말하고 또 미안해이 좁은 방의 낮은 천장이 하늘이란 게,내가 너의 우산이자 비란 게.I’m sorry. No matter how many times I say it, I’m still sorryThat this low ceiling of this small room is our sky,That I’m not your umbrella, but your rain.

Some words were like that. Whole lives attached to them. Ghosts and lives and ecstasy and sorrow.

I'm so awake and I'm so in love with you. Fuck, I'm so in love and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts my soul and rattles my bones.
This time last year was when everything crumbled to pieces, every single aspect of my life was falling apart.

In the midst of everything, I met a boy, awfully kind hearted, diligent, and for the most part, caring.
It was nice, what we had lasted for a month or less, I can't really recall, but it was nice, that's all I remember.
I remember he was nice, and soft, and lovely, and wonderful.
Things he did for me, I will never be able to repay him.
He made everything bad disappeared for a short while.

I don't talk to him now and when I left, I think I kinda hurt him a whole lot.
(If you're reading this right now, know that I am sorry, I still am sorry.)
I'd like to believe he is a lot happier now, as am I.
And that's good.

He's leaving this place soon, to further his studies and his birthday is coming up, I think.
(If you're reading this right now, happy advanced birthday, I sincerely hope you have a good one.)

I hope life works out well for him.
(If you'…

You are a catalogue of disasters.

Kinda wish I have freckles. Kinda wish I have red hair.
You are stronger than you realise.You are crueller than you realise.The smallest words will break your heart.You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.Never stop yourself from texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your b…
YouAre the Only person You need To be Good enough For.
Image
Did you know that when a star implodes,
for a few days, it can be brighter than an entire galaxy?
I still have light in my eyes from the way that you left me;
I still wait for my core to collapse like a black hole
and suck everything into it
when I meet someone else with your name.
YOU HAVE PUT TO SHAME
EVERY NIGHT
YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD NOT GET THROUGH

WITHOUT HIM.
Image
They call it a break up as though it’s one swift act, like dropping a plate on the floor and seeing all the individual pieces of something that was whole just moments ago.  But baby, you started taking pieces of me long before you left me broken on the ground.  See, I stayed with you despite the fact that I could feel you forming fault lines in my skin.  Soon, I was breaking off parts of myself and handing them to you so that you could be whole.  I figured that some day soon I would spend a night held so tightly in your arms, it would smooth out all the cracks that had been made. Instead, you became just as fractured as me. I tried to mend you with my own damaged hands, but you decided to take care of it on your own.  You kept the bits of me that I had given to you. I don’t mind that you still have them. They’re yours. I’m yours. But I don’t think you realized just how much of me you have. And now I’m bleeding ink and throwing glass at walls, realizing that it feels really fucking good to …
Image

Tie up your scarf real tight, these boys are out for blood tonight

Things I was not meant to be taught but learned anyway:

you are never as good at something as you think you areeveryone settles eventuallyunder no circumstances should you leave the house without makeuppeople can treat you like shit and you will still love themyou will never be enoughyou will never be pretty enoughyoung enough or thin enoughyou are smart enoughbut men don’t like a woman smarter than themand you will always be smarter than themliving with regret will make you an asshole; especially when you’re drunkI know you think it could never happen to you, but everyone is a statisticyou have to learn to manipulate peoplelove is the most important thing, even if it ruins you

things I have been taught:

always tip generouslyyou will inevitably chase men like your father you have to be patient, but you do not always have to be kindleaving someone does not mean you stop loving themanything other than silver tequila is a waste of a hangover
I don’t need you coming along and thinking you can pull flowersout of the pit in my stomach. I am not always pretty and I am not always kind. I will rip apart the next man who tries to make the mess of me
into something idealistic and soft.
You know that feeling when you drink too much
of a certain liquor and then even the sight of it
makes you feel unsteady?
That’s how I feel when I write poems about you.
Tonight I kissed three people on the mouth
because I still don’t know what you taste like.
I feel like I am always two parts tequila,
one part longing.

I wanted to press my fingers so deeply into your ribs that every time you breathed you felt the echoes of me in your body.

Image

List of songs for the updated playlist

Obvious Bicycle - Ferdia DwaneWhen You Can't Sleep at Night - Of Mice and MenLitter Darling - Lewis WatsonComin' Home - City and ColourDirty Paws - Of Monsters and I Don't Feel It Anymore - William FitzsimmonsRuby Blue - Sleeping At LastRoslyn - Bon Iver & St. VincentIn My Veins - Andrew BelleThe Devil's Tears - Angus & Julia StoneSecond & Sebring To Build a Home - The cinematic OrchestraSlow It Down - The LumineersYou're the Reason I Come Home - Ron PopeLittle Talks - Alex & SierraTalking In Code - Margot & The Nuclear So & So'sFeels like We Only Go Backwards - Tame ImpalaHeartbeats - Jose GonzalezResolution - Matt Corby
I pray to God the person you end up with knows how to read the poems in the linings of your arteries. 
I hope to God he knows where to look.
I hope one day
somebody loves you
so much that they see violets
in the bags under your eyes,
sunsets in the downward arch
of your lips that they recognize you
as something green,
something fresh and still growing
even if sometimes
you are growing sideways
that they do not waste their time
trying to fix you.
Have you ever noticed how wanting
burns you up
from the inside out? Like one moment I am whole, but then I hear
your voice on the phone and I swear to god
three blocks away from here
they can smell smoke.