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Showing posts from September, 2013
there are things you lose, you do not get back. you cannot have them, ever again, except in the smudging carbon copy of memory. there are things that seem irreconcilable that you must find a way to reconcile with. the simple passage of days dulls the sharpness of the pain, but it never wears out: what gets washed away in time, gets washed away, and then you're left with a hard cold nub of something, an unlovable souvenir.

Final Chapter - Bogey Slugs (Lyrics below)

Will you guys do me the biggest favor and listen to this and send some feed backs please? it would really mean the world to me.



here's the lyrics:
My past is waiting to reclaim satan//
Exorcists hating just cos I ain't caucasian//
I ain't racist when I say I'm fresh out of enslavement//
I was found under a bench in Sabah, so fuck being Malaysian//
I'm a problem child, the devil's spawn//
Born ghetto, raised right in Brunei Darussalam//
Police afraid of me cos they think I'm armed//
Never had a mother's love, never knew my mom//
Well at least not face to face, just portraits hung by her grave//
My dad's 83 now, and I still misbehave//
I guess I was placed in this world as a mistake//
My theory is, my real slut mother was raped//
I don't give a fuck, she can suck my hairy nuts//
If I met her, I'd slash her open and sell her fucking guts//
I'm psychologically insane, mentally unstable//
I'm unable to function without meth and a flask o…

Better than ecstasy.

Better than any drugs produced in kitchen or labs.
Better than any pills needed to get you fucked up.
Better than any weed to get you high.
Whatever this is, I like it.
Let's keep it like this.
“Do you ever think about all the people who you might have fallen in love with if only you’d taken a different way home or stood a little longer in the bread aisle at the supermarket? All the people who might have been an integral part of your life but instead you’ll never know them. The unimaginable impact that our mundane choices have on our lives really gets to me. Think of how many times I might have died if I’d made different choices. Maybe I’d be homeless. Maybe I’d be famous. Maybe I’d be rich. Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can’t choose anything at all because I’m afraid today will be the day that I make the choice that changes everything.”
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In the end.

You'll be okay, you know that?
As hard as it is right now, as horrible as things are and as sad and miserable as you feel, you'll be okay.
You have to be. You gotta be strong.
And it's not the end yet, who knows, if God wills, and cross your fingers He does, your paths will cross again and hopefully stay crossed this time round.

Patagonia, Chile

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“I only know how to exist when I am wanted. Girls like us are hardly ever wanted, you know? We’re used up and sad and drunk and perpetually waiting by the phone for someone to pick up and say we did good. Well, you did good.”

— Mary Lambert, I Know Girls
I tried to write a list of things that I wanted to do with you but could not get past the first: 

sometimes when we are kissing I want to lick the freckles clean off your face and even though they don’t taste like cinnamon and only skin I don’t know how to be disappointed with you or the way your forehead feels beneath my mouth, not like a canvas at all but like I’ve pressed myself up against a radiator. And did you know, that the first time I held your hand I couldn’t feel my fingers again for a week straight?Or the first time you said my name it felt like you were touching me even though there was so much space between us. I’m not sure I even know what it means that whenever you hold my hand I can’t remember if the word ’element’ is spelt with an ‘e’ or an ‘a’ and what I’m trying to say is that you make me so goddamn stupid I forget that fall does not always mean in love and love does not always mean you.

today

would've been the 10th.
I would've woken up grinning.
I would've called you first thing in the morning.
I would've heard your voice.
I would've laughed at something cheesy you said.
I would've.

But I didn't.
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I just don’t see the fairness in being able to love someone who is so toxic for you. I just don’t get how our minds would allow us to suffer this much; all for the person who we want the most to tell us that they no longer are able to feel the love for us as they once used to feel.
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you.

I've spent hours contemplating the words to say to you but no combination of twenty-six different letters could ever accurately capture even a silver of what this feeling is.
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when I was little
my mother told me
to look both ways
before I crossed
the street.
and to put my hair
up when I was around
fire.
and to lock the door
when I was alone.
So I thought I knew
exactly how to protect
myself.
But she never taught me how to
keep from getting hurt by boys like you;
boys who pour pretty
words down my throat
in the middle
of the night and are gone
by the morning.