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Showing posts from February, 2012
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Before you can grow up, you must fall in love three times.

Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve.

And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.
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Life is so full of unpredictable beauty and strange surprises. Sometimes the beauty is too much for me to handle. Do you know that feeling? When something is just too beautiful? When someone says something or writes something or plays something that moves you to the point of tears, maybe even changes you.
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Instead of killing yourself

wait until a year from now where you say,

"Holy fuck, I can't believe I was going to kill myself before I etcetra'd...
before I went skinny dipping in tennessee,
made my own IPA,
tried out for a game show,
rode a camel drunk,
sjydived alone,
learned to waltz with clumsy old people,
photographed electric jellyfish,
built a sailboat from trash,
taught someone how to read,
etc. etc. etc."

The red washing down the bathtub;
can't change the colour of the sea.
At all.
I'm happy but I'm sad. I want to die, but I don't. I love you, but I hate you. I'm tired, but I'm not. I'm fine, but not really. I can't talk to you, but I can't not talk to you.
You might be thinking, ‘when he looks at me, I can bet you that he doesn’t feel a thing.’ But do any of us really know that? He could be looking at you and wishing you two didn’t mess things up. He could still care about you, and you just don’t want to believe it. Maybe he is really the one who would want you in his life, maybe not as much, but it’s better than nothing at all, right?
And sometimes, we can fall in love with someone for all the wrong reasons, and still love them after all the hurt, because sometimes, and most times, we can't pick who we love. And even though we know we shouldn't love them, we do and always will, because there are just a small number of people in this world who will "get" us for reason we can't explain, even when they shouldn't.

"Why do people self harm?"

People self harm for so many different reasons. But the underlying reason for nearly everyone is because the stresses and pains of every day weigh you down so far, that you feel as if the only way to release the emotional pain, is to cause yourself physical pain. It is the one pain that you are in control of.

It is your body, and you can mutilate it however you want to. And no one can stop you. Your body is the one thing that is fully under your own control.

But it is a TERRIBLE addiction. If you were to ever start, you wouldn’t be able to stop. You’d think you could. You’d start with small scrapes, barely breaking skin. You’d hate it. Then you’d try again. A little blood would be released. And you’d feel a rush. Then you’d start to plan the next time. What you’d use, where you’d do it, how deep you’d go. You’d think you had it under control - and then out of nowhere it consumes your life.
It is the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life even though I've stopped cutt…
It's that feeling of nostalgia.
It's the feeling that follows; that bottomless desperation of never getting it back, never being the same. That feeling of memories slowly slipping away, faces slipping away, names slipping away. it's those moments in life you take for granted that count, the ones that fall away too quickly, the ones that leave you in the dark, grasping for that last redeeming thread of hope.
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Shane Koyczan; 6.59am

I've been told that people in the army do more by 7.00am than I do in an entire day.

But if I wake up at 6.59am and turn to you to trace the outline of your lips with mine. I will have done enough and killed no one in the process.
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I've always followed my heart instead of my head. I've always jumped, always took that leap of faith into the unknown, having no idea of what the outcome of my actions would be. Sure, it's given some memorable moments, but three quarter of the time, I end up getting hurt. So now, it's so very clear. I need to stop following my heart. I just need to stop, before I do anything at all. I need to stop and think about it, about what I am about to do. I need to think about whether it is right or it is wrong. Because when you follow your heart, you lose track of what's right and what's wrong, and it tears you apart.
Life is sort of like a piano. The white keys represents the happy moments in life, while the black keys represent all the tough times you have to go through

But as you go through life's journey, you have to remember that the black keys make music too.
"I want to love you unconditionally for a really really long time."
"How long?"
"How bout forever and a day?"
"That's it?"
"How bout until the moon melts?"
"Yeah, that's a good start."
"You think?"
"Yeah"
"Until the moon melts."
"Until the moon melts."

"I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday."

The saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start. The tragedy starts form the very first spark. Losing your mind for the sake of you heart.

The Kite Runner

I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into the humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks on concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away.
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3,387 notes / 3 days ago
I lied.
I told them to be happy when
I most certainly am not.
I told them things get better when
I doubt that they ever will.
I told them to always have hope when
I've lost all of mine.
I told them everyone is beautiful when
I feel ugly all the time.
I told them to always stay strong when
I am slowly breaking as days go by.

"watch me become whom I said I'd never be."

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"it's like the half of you really want to be with him and the other half just wants to be over him."

One pill and I’m flying. I’m jumping out my window, into the dark where the world is dangerous but feels so much safer than where I’ve barricaded myself, so much more like home than the places I’ve confined myself to. One pill and all my broken bones seem to mend.

In a night I can be Shakespeare, Voltaire, Decartes, Einstein. I could understand everything and see through everyone’s bullshit and all the things that overwhelmed me when I was alive but feeling dead didn’t mean a thing to me. I ran away without a sense of time, or limitation.

I reached my highest potential as I died, slowly falling, doing my very best to hold on to the stars, the moon, the sky, the night.
So I have this friend, she's pretty damn awesome. And by pretty damn awesome, she's really awesome.
And she so nicely asked me to write about her on my blog.

Her name is le Bebee. And she is sexy. She is very random. And by very, I mean seriously. Like lvl 9999 random. Did I mention how sexy she is? Yes, she is sexayyyyy. That is all.



Definition of sexy :
Sexy [sex-say]
(adj.)
1. Bebee.

"But she said she was over me."

Do you honestly believe that? You were her everything. You destroyed her from the inside out, but she's always going to forgive you. She's always gonna want to be with you. But she knows it won't happen, so there's nothing she can do but tell you she's alright.
Ladies, sometimes relationships end even if you try your hardest to save them. It's just the way life goes. I know you'll wonder what went wrong, what did you do to deserve this heart wrenching pain? How can something just die like that, when you were so willing to give your life, and soul to your significant other? I know it's difficult, but sometimes you just have to accept it for what it is. Letting go of the one you love is the most difficult thing to do, I know. And having lost a valuable friendship in your lover just makes things a whole lot worse. but this is what life is made up of. If we get everything we want, wouldn't life be so predictable? Know that uncertainty is the basis of life and the sooner we realize this truth, the better it is.

If you truly love, you never lose, whether they walk out of your life or not. I have learned the hard way, that when people want to leave, it's better to let them go rather than hold on to them. Love, is the hardest and…

Hold on to hope.

There will be people out there who will hurt you. The people you love most in this world will hurt you. It's a part of what makes us human but the one amazing thing in this world that makes us human is our ability to hope. Never lose hope and always hold onto that little pieces of hope no matter what. Especially when it feels like you're encompassed in darkness. Let your hope light up the dark, and don't ever give up because things will get better.

And in that moment, I swore we were infinite.

I really miss you, I really really miss you. And even though I know I'm not suppose to, since you seem to be doing just fine without me, I still miss you.

I can't seem to let go of the thought of how we got from something so amazing, and flawless and perfect to here. It may sound very naïve but I guess, that's just me. And every night, I just lay on my bed till the wee hours of the morning feeling like my whole body is made out of memories, like I'm a mix tape, a cassette that's been rewound so many times you can hear the fingerprints smudged on it.

I reminisce every single thing that has happened throughout the whole relationship. The big things, the little, the details. All the memories; how your hands were entwined with mine, how you smell like when you hug me, how you tasted, every crease, and line. Every. Damn. Thing. And this may sound weird, but someone could blind fold me and put you in a sea of people and I still would be able to hand pick you out.

I miss …

The Snow Falls on Forever.

You can't miss forever. No matter how close forever feels right now. you can't hurt forever. Even if your heart whispers in your ear and tries to convince you otherwise. You can't bleed forever. Sooner or later, you will either die or live. Neither of us can do anything for forever. Because forever passed away. long ago.

Hi, I care.

So.

Don't jump. Don't hang. Don't cut. Don't purge. Don't shoot. Don't take the pills.

I'm here for anyone and everyone. I promise.

Need to bitch, rant, talk, curse? Send it to me here. I'll listen. I'll understand. And I'll be there for you, and sit through whatever you want to get off of your chest.

It gets better. It may seem like the world is crashing down, and that there's no more hope left. But trust me, it really does get better.You're so much better than this.You're amazing. I know you are flawless straight into the bones.

You're worth it, and you're beautiful.
It gets better. And you should be alive to see it when it happens.

So don't kill yourself tonight, don;t hurt yourself either, because you may think you deserve the pain but you really don't.
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The problem with getting attached to someone:

When they leave you, you just feel utterly lost.
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Everytime I went somewhere or did something, I thought, "You should be here with me." Then I'd think of all the things we had promised to do, all the places we said we would go, or the places you said you would take me to. Then I'd get angry, and feel sad, and then I'd forget about it.

Because what else is there to do?

The Vow

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Doesn't really matter right? Yeah. Not at all, love. Not at all.
You have no idea.
No idea of what I feel about you.
Of how much I care about you.
Of how much I think you're amazing and beautiful.
Of what I think we could become.
Of how much you make me happy and sad at the same time.
Of how much youmake me feel so alive.
Of the butterfly riot that takes place in my stomach when you talk to me.
Of how much you make me worried and scared.

You have no idea.
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I"m too young to be this fucking stressed and torn apart. I'm too young to have so many physical and emotional scars. I'm too young to feel this old and broken down.
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I like my body when it is with your body.
It is so quite new a thing.
Muscle better and nerves more.
I like your body. I like what it does.
I like its hows.
I like to feel the spine of your body and its bones,
and the trembling-firm-smotthness and which i will
again and again and again kiss,
I like kissing this and that of you.
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A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up. He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it…?” Still the hands were up in the air. “Well,” he replied, “What if I do this?” And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. “Now, who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air. “My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless. …
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"hearts can break and never make a sound."

I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me with one of the girls from my gym class, I really do love him, but should I confront him or just let it go?

Confront him, and break up with him. Trust me love, he's not worth it. And never will be. Let him go, and move on. I promise, you will find someone better. Who will love you unconditionally.You mustache me a question?
And in the end, everything will be and has to be okay. No matter what life throws at you. And not to spoil the ending for you but everything will be okay eventually. It has to be.

And you may think the your entire world is falling apart just because of this one crisis, and that it's the end of the world, but it's not. How do I know? Cause I'm going through something really tough too. You may say it's different in your case, but it really is the same thing.

For those who don't know, I cut. I used to anyway. I've been clean for quite some time now. So I think I deserve to be proud of myself. for that And I'm starting to love myself more now. I thought it would never be possible but nothing is even impossible. Except for time travel and teleportation, scientists are still working on that.

I know how it feels like cry yourself to sleep, turn on the taps in the toilet so it hides your sobs. I know how it feels like to look at a mirror and feel disgusted by wha…

You think you should kill yourself tonight?

You’re sitting in your room with the door locked; a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper in front of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter. Your suicide letter. You try again, start over. Again and again, but you don’t know where to begin.

No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody. It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all. No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong.

It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 6:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn't know you can’t hear her she doesn't know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to op…
Isn't it funny, how from year to year you don't see much of a change in yourself, physical or emotional, then suddenly you look back and you are a different person. It's like watching the hour hand on a clock, you don't really see it move, but it's changing all the time.
"I think the worst past of a breakup, is that when you realize all the dreams and plans you had for each other. All the memories that were supposed to be made is just all gone. And you have to live with that, you will have to sit up in your bed all night for God knows how long remembering every single thing. Every thing after that part is just moving on."
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and in my case, how do you look at the guy you love, and tell yourself it's time to walk away?

"I trace my finger in patterns along your sking and if ever there was a moment to be able to freeze time, this would definitely be it."

Girls, this may sound cliche but you deserve a guy who would cross oceans and move mountains for you, and I know it seems like it's impossible to find a guy like that, but trust me, not the whole male population sucks dick. some of them are actually decent guys, you just have to open your eyes, and your heart a tad bit bigger and stop falling in love with assholes.

And guys, you deserve a girl who will love you unconditionally. Someone who finds you adorable even when you're just doing everyday stuff, who finds every single thing you say funny, and every smile you flash breathtaking. You don't deserve a girl who will constantly complain about how there's "no good guys in the world anymore, and how every single one is a douche." So let go of that bitch you're in love with who's hurting your feelings, and talk to that quiet girl in the math class, or maybe the girl next door, or the one who sits at the table in the library with her nose in her book.
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Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.”

I think that every person you meet, you fall in love with. Just a little bit. And a piece of them always stays with you. So overtime you collect people, and maybe you don't remember every single one, but that doesn't mean that they haven't affected you. For better or for the worse. They changed you.

HEY YOU.

Yeah you. The one with the broken smile and the scars upon your skin.

You're beautiful and amazing and you can do this.
"If you truly love someone, deeply, then you would go a long way and you would probably do things you never thought you were capable of."
She looked up, trembling. Soft words were uttered, they seemed to roll off her lips, my God, she was perfect.
         "But, you don't love me," she said, "I'm a monster."
The look of sorrow hidden behind her eyes was daunting, enthralling. I was mystified with her very existence. Maybe it was the way her mind was intricately woven. layers upon layers wrapped up around each other, and for every layer I peel away, another wall I had broken down that had once separated her and I.
         "I want you to let me in," I said, empathetically.
I could tell the words I said went in one ear and out the other. nothing would work on I her, not even the guy who cares the most about her opening his heart, and laying himself before her. I was far from perfect, but everything she did left me in awe, the way she walked, sang, and looked at me left me in a coma-like state. It was obvious that I would never have that effect on her no matter how hard I trie…

Melanie Iglesias

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"someone is (or will be) lucky to have you."

That's the thing about depression:

A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog id like a cage without a key.
"Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay." -Lucas Scott
My thoughts are hard to write out, or even share for that matter. In my head it all makes sense, but in my mouth, words refuse to form. It's very frustrating, and that is why I will always just smile. I'm sorry that when I'm sad that I will smile. It's a whole lot easier than explaining everything or anything at all.
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But you see girls buying clothes, cutting their hair, taking laxatives, starving themselves, doing anything to make themselves look thinner. They base their self-worth on a NUMBER projected on a man-made scale. And to be honest with you, it breaks my heart. Because I know that you CAN eat without feeling guilty, you CAN eat fattening food without punishing yourself afterwards. What the scale says is NOT the most important thing. Being thin is NOT more important than being healthy. Being thin and not eating are NOT signs of true will power and success. Screw what all these pro-ana blogs tell you. You don’t have to be thin to be attractive. You are perfectly okay just the way you are.