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Showing posts from July, 2011
"I wonder how boys feel when they're in love. Do they get butterflies? Do they have you on their mind 24/7? Do they wait for you to come online for hours? Do they smile at random times at the thought of you? D they miss you all the time? Do they think about the smallest things you say?"
We boys don’t get butterflies, we get fireworks. We don’t have you on our mind 24/7, but we do have you on our hearts. Often, yes we wait for you to go online, sometimes simply even just being online makes our heart skip a beat, even if we don’t talk. Whenever you talk to us, our face forms that half-smile; it means we are happy but are trying our hardest to not show it, and fail at hiding it. We do miss you all the time; granted, we’d spend all our time with you if possible. We don’t think of the smallest things you say, we think of every word you say, panicking at every single word, trying to define what it really means, to read between the lines. But wait there’s more.We would love you …
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:I have a proposal. On our next date, let’s not go out. Let’s stay in and enjoy each other. No, not sex; let’s just cuddle on the couch in front of a good movie. If it’s a comedy, I want to hear your ridiculous laugh. If it’s a scary movie, I want you to feel safe in my arms. If we watch Mean Girls, I’ll recite every line with you. I’ll make us some comfort food, and we’ll share a bottle of sparkling cider. We should take pictures and hack each other’s account. Let’s talk about our future together and set some goals. Let me paint your toenails, but don’t make fun of me when I color outside the lines. Can we play Call of Duty? I’ll let you win, I promise. Oh and by the way, come over in pajamas. You’re sleeping over.
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She thinks about you non-stop, and you're all she ever talks about. When she talks to you she always has that bright smile, and truly looks happy. With one hug, you make her melt and always leave her with butterflies and at the same time, when she's upset, you're usually the reason. But she refuses to see any flaws in you. And no matter how many people try to tell her different, she believes you're perfect for her and worth every second of the wait, and she's too scared to tell you any of this because she doesn't want to mess anything up. And she doesn't want to end up hurt, once more.

D.
Have you ever been so upset you just completely broke down alone by yourself. Your parents can’t tell and nor can your friends because you hide it behind a smile. You know you’re not okay. Yet again, no one knows how you feel and you don’t bother telling them because they have their own lives to deal with. So you store all your problems, all your sorrow, all your tears, all your hurt and all your pain. You’ll take it out some other day, but not today. Today’s not the day. Because here’s to the nights you dealt with more than you bargained for. All those sleepless nights crying so hard you couldn’t breathe. To the nights you couldn’t wait till everybody grew up because you were sick of them judging you. To all those nights you wished things would just get better. To all those good nights that turned to bad. To all those nights you wished you were older. To those nights that unfortunately came too soon.
It sucks, you know.
When everything is doing fine then, it all crashes again?
And the worst part is, I really don't want to try and put it all back together again, but I have to.
I just want you to lace your fingers with mine and to feel your smile when you kiss my forehead. I want to snuggle with you in warm blankets that smell of lavender and tickle you until you can't breathe. I want to see the Eiffel Tower, navigate the Venice canals and explore Barcelona with you like it's never done before. I want to be the reason for you to wake up every morning. I want to be your sunshine. I want you.
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I guess... You can't hold someone back right? Like, even if you're in a relationship, you can't stop them from talking to or see other people even if it makes you so goddamn fucking insecure. Cause that's what a relationship is about innit? Trust. And knowing that no matter what happens, no matter who they talk to, or no matter what they do, you can still trust them with everything you have and also the most fragile thing of yours - your heart. Knowing that they can break it at anytime they choose, but they won't.
"just plan it."

"no. do it yourself."

"aww come on, just be the planner."

"yeah, and next time i'll plan your wedding and your wife will be like what the fuck."

"nah i don't think she will though."

"yeah? why?"

"cause what if you are my wife?"
I will never understand why I ended up this way or what the reason was for. I will never understand why this world is so fucked up and barely anyone cares. I will never understand how people can say they love someone then leave them for someone else. I will never understand a lot of things, like why people lie and cheat. Why they are rude, mean, bitchy, horrible, and inconsiderate. I will never understand how pain never goes away. I will never understand love or hate. I will never understand life.
280411. 280511. 280611. 280711

It's been 3 months now.

Which means it has been a quarter a year. And in these 3 months, I could say that we have been through quite a lot. Probably a lot of you may think that I'm "waytoo young" to say it like this and that I've "still got a lot to learn and experience", but honestly speaking, I think I've experienced quite a lot of things that a lot of people never get to experience in their life. And nevertheless, I still love him just as much and maybe even more as I did on day one.

He's a complete asshole actually; who manages to annoy the fuck out of me every single time without fail. He ruins my day then saves it at the last minute. He's the only person who can make everything shitty to fucken awesome in an instant. He's the guy who picks up his phone at 4am in the morning and listen to me rant. He's awfully ridiculous with his adorably lame jokes. And he's the best friend I've know…
Never let someone tell you how to act, never let someone put you down or push you around. And if someone is rude to you, you have every right to stand up for yourself.

You have every right to get up and say "Fuck off" because to be honest, nothing is wrong with you, nothing ever was nor ever will be no matter what someone else says. Something is wrong with them because they're the ones trying to put you down because they're insecure about themselves. But don't let them take it out on you. Don't let someone tell you or make you feel like you're not good enough for something.

Because to be honest, you'reamazingthe way you are and they don't like that.


I don't want to text you.
I don't want to call you.
I don't want to be on skype with you for 24/7.

I want to be in your arms,
hold your hands,
feel your breath,
hear your heart.

I want to be with you.
But then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore. That the person I missed so very dearly didn't exist anymore. Time doesn't change people. People change people. The things we like and dislike change. And so does everything. And we wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works.

This summer.

I want this summer to be perfect, I want it to be something I’ll never forget. I want to be out everyday with my friends, at the beach or just chillin’ at a park. I want to have sleepovers after sleepovers and stay out til whenever, I want to go to parties and just enjoy life. I want to go shopping, try new things, go places, explore. I want to spend time with my family, go camping, have barbecues in the backyard like old times. Most of all I want a summer romance, I want someone who’s willing to sneak out at 2am and pick me up from my house just to talk. I want to lie in the grass and tell him about the past, present, and future. Or even just sit there in silence, looking up at the stars and thinking about absolutely nothing. Just lay there with good vibes, no stress.I want to have the perfect summer
The more you get to know a person, the more attractive they become to you. Because everything beautiful you see on the inside of them, suddenly you're able to see on the outside of them too.
"If you break my best friend's heart I will kill you."
That's just a figure of speech.

But seriously though, if you break my best friend's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.

I promise to love youwhen you drive me crazy,
to respect you when we disagree,
to support youif bad times come our way and
to always remember how grateful I am to have to by my side.
It starts out being upset.So upset. So unhappy. So angry. So sad.
And most if all; depressed.You act out your emotions for a lack of knowing what to do and how to handle it.You find yourself running. Running from how you feel. You find yourself trying anything to cope with your self hatred.Maybe its binging.Maybe purging.Maybe starving.Maybe cutting.Maybe drinking.Maybe drugs.Maybe sex.Soon it becomes your fix. Your fix when your upset.It evolves on, a fix for everything. An addiction. An escape. The only thing you know. The only that makes you feel good.Once you did it when upset. But now it’s all you think and breathe. Just searching for a temporally escape to forget about it. Forget about yourself. And to forget about your self hatred by taking it out violently upon yourself.The twisted coping skill now tempts you every waking moment. The twisted fix is the addiction you hate, the addiction you can’t take.. The haunting secret that consumes you.

I hate it when parents compare you to other children.

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It’s like, “Bitch, if you love them so goddamn much, why don’t you just adopt them.”And when you want to do something that they don’t like, and you say “But Mum, he/she..”They’re like “I don’t care what other kids do”

I've always wanted...

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A story like Jack and Rose A kiss like Spiderman and Mary JaneA fight like Elizabeth and DarcyA friendship like Ron and HermioneA connection like Robbie and JuliaA dance like Troy and GabriellaA secret like Romeo and JulietAn end like Noah and Allie
That feeling.

It’s funny how you can be so happy for a moment, and then in a blink of an eye, everything comes tumbling down on you. You feel as if the weight of the world is on top of your shoulders. That feeling.
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When you’re playing hide and seek & the seeker walks pass the place where you’re hiding.



And they keep walking so you’re like :



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I miss you, you know that? Every single minute of every single day. I count down to days I get to see you. I miss you and missing you kills me. I guess that's just how everything is suppose to be. When you love someone, you put their needs before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs are; no matter how fucked up. No matter how much it makes you feel like you're ripping yourself into pieces.

Reasons to have a guy best friend:

Guys don't start rumors for no apparent reason.They won't tell anyone your secrets.They don't PMS and randomly act super rude.They don't try to steal the guy you like.They aren't two-faced.They stick up for you no matter what.They'll give you their sweatshirt when you're cold.They'll carry you when you get hurt.And they might even fall in love with you.
Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night, I really miss you. Not the ordinary I-miss-you type of things where I wish you were with me. But the type of miss that feels like a part of me is missing. As if it's gone and I need it back. That's the type of miss I feel. It's not an I-want-you-with-me; it's an I-need-you-with-me.
I don't give up easily; I fight for what I want. It takes a lot for me to actually give up on something or someone. I can't just throw away all the hard work and time I put into it. I can't just give up because times are hard, especially if that person means so much to me. I keep fighting for what I want until I cant fight anymore, until giving up is the only option left.

Maybe it’s more than a crush

When you see them and your whole body tenses up and you feel your palms start to sweat a little and your heart starts to race a little faster. Maybe it’s more than a crush when they text you and you instantly smile knowing you you were on their mind even for a split second. Maybe it’s more than a crush when you hate it when they’re not around and you can’t wait to be with them again. Maybe it’s more than a crush when you get so impatient for them to text back, constantly wondering if they’re with someone else and if they feel the same about you. Maybe it’s more than a crush?
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Just do you.Life is an uncertain journey, and many times we are faced with temptations that may challenge who we truly are as individuals. Naturally as humans, it is in our nature to avoid any complications that may arise. This leaves us with the notion that floating along with the current is an easier way of living life, rather than facing rough waters and swimming against the current. We must realize that when drifting along with the current, we are denying ourselves of something very crucial; we are giving up everything that defines us as an individual. We each have our own set of beliefs, values, and inspirations that make us who we truly are. These elements within us should be expressed without anything hindering them. Even though it is truly difficult for us to be ourselves in this harsh world, it is essential in living a worthwhile life. Taking the easy route of following the path we are given compromises more than who we are as individuals; it compromises our pla…
Sometimes I am happy for just one moment. In that one moment I don't think about my problems, I think of all the options I have. I think about all the years ahead of me, I think about all the awesome people I will meet, I think about all the great ideas I will get.

I think about the adventures, about love, about all the places that I am yet to discover.


For that one moment I believe I will be happy one day; I know happiness is out there.
I have hope.
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Soulmate: discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time.