today i realized that even when you think you know everything there is to know about yourself, there’s still more to learn. even when you think you’ve considered all the possibilities of a situation, there’s still something you haven’t even thought of; another side of the story. it’s both exciting and terrifying to me to know that i’m never going to stop learning new things about who i am and how i interact with the world. part of me wants to have it all figured out so i know what move to make, what connection needs to be drawn next. another, larger part of me, doesn’t want to know. that part of me wants to throw myself into discovery and making mistakes and trying new things. i like the idea of recreating myself again and again. i’ve also realized that it’s possible to hurt someone you care about without even realizing it. you can be so caught up in this big, loud, scary thing that you don’t even see how what you’re doing in your own hurt is hurting someone else. and how now, when i th…

November Update

There's less than a month till I pull the curtains on this chapter of my life, it's very exhilarating yet terrifying at the same time, The constant "what comes next?", "where will I be?", "what will I be doing?". 
It's less than two months till the year is over and I guess it's important to think: When you look back onto your life, what do you see? Do the days seem to blend together? Does it feel like there has been a constant change? Does your life seem to flash by just like that? It's true what they say y'know? That time really flies. And if we aren't careful, one day will turn into one year, and one year will become one decade. Live mindfully, treasure this moment.

Some gentle reminders:
Stay close to people who feel like sunlightEverything is temporary, there is nothing in the world that will not change, including youMake sure that the people around you reflect the value within youIt’s not your job to care about people who …
This is a gentle 12AM reminder that:
Sometimes you fall off the wagon for months. Sometimes you tell yourself you’re gonna start fresh on Monday and by Wednesday you’ve already fallen back off. Sometimes you have to restart a 100 times and it’s frustrating. But it will be okay. You can do this. One day at a time.

A gentle August reminder

Find someone who loves you well. Someone who never belittles you. Even in the heat of an argument. Someone who is gentle with you, but does not treat you like you are fragile. Someone who knows what you are capable of, and celebrates those pieces of you. Not someone who is intimidated by your strength. Someone who doesn’t make you feel guilty for being flawed. It is not love’s job to punish you. And remember the person you love is just as broken as you are when they fall short. No one is perfect – do not hold them to this standard. Find someone who is patient, forgiving, and apologetic. Someone who practices forgiveness freely and often. Love someone who is humble, kind, and empathetic. Not only with you, but with a beggar on the street, or a stranger in the supermarket. Common courtesy is important. Compassion is important. Kindness is important.


Today (technically yesterday because I wrote this on the first day of the semester and saved the post instead of publishing it lmao) was the first day of my last semester before graduation, relatively uneventful but if I were to put things into perspective, it's the first day of my final semester and that's kinda big. Just 3 units and a final year project to go before the regalia. Feels good, really. 
2017 lessons:
Watch the magic that happens when you give someone enough space to be themselves. You are what you eat. Always double check, triple, if you have the time. Be so completely yourself that everyone else feels safe to be themselves too. You're your own person and not anyone else's. Don't make yourself a secondary character in your own story. Avocado goes really good with cream cheese on toasts.Buttered toasts go really good with honey. There is nothing a hot shower cannot solve temporarily.

Basically spent majority of my entire semester break overseas, came …

When do you know it’s over? That you’ve really lost them this time?

Firsthand experience tells me to tell you that it’s in the silence.
Why? At the end of the day, you can only be disappointed so much repeatedly by the same person, I guess. Y'know how they say it's never too late, I beg to differ, really. You can always be too late, even if it's just by a little.
Back to the question, how? Like I said, the silence. At least when they’re throwing curses at you like it’s second nature and screaming how much they hate you, you know that some part of them still cares. Some part of them still cares enough to feel something for you; even if it is love twisted into hate. But when they stop yelling and they lose the fire in their eyes, you’ve lost them. When it goes quiet they’ve given up - they’ve gone.


Imma let you in on a secret: love works better when you don't need it. It's a simple concept, something I remember reading in passing. It's like holding sand, I guess? Scoop up dry sand, and hold it gently, watch how it stays cupped in your palm, micmicking the curves and creases. Do it again, this time, clench your fists, try holding it so tightly like as if it might slip away, now watch it slip away. Watch it slip between your fingers, slip right out of your grip until there's nothing but remnants of what used to be. It's the same with people, when you don't give them space to grow, to breathe, to be their own person. When you're so desperately trying to hold onto them, to keep them stagnant, then you're gonna have to watch them slowly drift away from you.
On a more personal note, it's the mid of the year now, and this has by far been one of the fastest year. I'm 3 papers and a semester away from graduating so there's that, relatively exci…