Can you be in love with the freedom you have and a foreign place that makes you feel right at home
" He looked at her like she was the sun, in that he never looked at  her except in frustration. He basked in her warmth., he complained when she was gone, but he never looked. On days she was muted, he complained. On days she was stronger, he hid from her. He never looked at her until she was leaving, and in the beauty of the sunset, he wondered how he'd never seen her before."


life update

In less than a week's time, I will be on a flight out of the country. On my own. For the very first time. To a place I've never been.
For the longest I've ever been away. To the furthest I've ever been.
I think the reality of it is finally settling in and I am very very excited and half as anxious.
some point in time, you'll grow up and look back at everything and the people you know seem different. it’s a messy feeling. the singer you used to idolize turns out to be just a person, and sometimes a bad one. your best friend isn’t actually that good of one: she treats you like you’re incapable of anything because she’s used to being the better one. the girl you loved is selfish and never loved you back; just loves it when she’s getting attention. the boy you grew up with doesn’t share anything in common with you.
sometimes you try and force these things to fit. sit in cafes with them and realize that you have nothing to say and nothing to do. blame yourself for being tired or hungry or distracted or all three. that this person you loved is in the right. it’s you who is wrong about everything.
but at a certain point you’re standing there and holding these precious things and you realize they need to stay precious. that if you keep trying to force them to be what they used to be, …

A gentle August reminder for anyone who needs it:

You spend a lot of nights awake and shaking, full of deep fury. Some nights you can’t imagine a night darker than this one. Nights where the light is at the end of some very long tunnel and you’re tired. Your body is tired of moving forward.
You spend a lot of time asking yourself “how can I fix this?” Because the thing is, you want to get better. You want to feel better, live better. People around you give you all kinds of advice - start exercising, talk it out, write it out, drink more water. But that’s too much.
You handle it the only way you know how: by surviving. You sleep often, eat when you can, shower when you remember, meet up with friends when you feel up to it. 
Sometimes you forget how many times you've picked yourself off the floor, how many times you've washed away smudgy makeup and put yourself to bed. How many times you've said no to something unhealthy. Said yes to something good. How many times you've treated goals with kindness and patience. You forget…

"Errors in Thinking" + life update

I came across this article that highlighted the errors in the way we think which leads to negativity or basically creates anxiety:

All-or-Nothing thinking: Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground"If I fall short of perfection, I'm a total failure."

Overgeneralization: Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever"I didn't get hired for this job, I will never get hired for any job."

The Mental Filter: Focusing on the negatives while filtering out all the positives. noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
Diminishing the Positive: Coming up with reasons why positive events don't count"I did well on the presentation, but that was just dumb luck."
Jumping to Conclusions: Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader or a fortune teller."I can tell she secretly hates me."
"I just know somethin…